what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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