Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
