Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
