you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
