Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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