ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
