Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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