I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
