yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
