i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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