Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
