Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize