I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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