Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
