I smell stomach acid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
