There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
