I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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