She's JV to your varsity
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
