$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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