I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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