If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
