is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize