i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
