Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
