My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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