I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
