She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
