either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
