Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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