I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just pee around me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
