wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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