Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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