Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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