He is an equal opportunity slut.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
