Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
