Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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