If i come over, it means nothing
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
