there's paper in my vomit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
