All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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