Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
