well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
