my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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