I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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