I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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