i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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