1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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