there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
