i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
