the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
