all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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