you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
