I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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