Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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