You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
