3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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