Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
