so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
