we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
