sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
