If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
