I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
