that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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