My cat gives me a boner
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
