i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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