Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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