I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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