it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize